I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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