You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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