I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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