Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize