The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
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this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
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It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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