I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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