I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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