Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
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Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
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My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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