Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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