When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
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This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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