I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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