You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
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N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize