i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
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Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
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