I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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