dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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