I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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