wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You were trust falling into bushes
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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