This is not my ceiling
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
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