I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize