and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
how does that bad decision feel?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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