Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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