She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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