Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
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I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
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Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
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