I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
3pm strippers are depressing
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Randomize