I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
did i just pee glitter
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