My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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