In the future we'll all be gay
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize