OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
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I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
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by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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