This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
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I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
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Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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