Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
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consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
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not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
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