Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize