I wish my penis had an off switch
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
It's blow job season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize