oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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