When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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