If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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