Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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