dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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