and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
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"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
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What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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