the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
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I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
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So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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