I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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