just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
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She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
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The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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