I bet he comes in French.
You can't special order awesome
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
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You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
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At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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