i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize