i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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