Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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