I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
