I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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