My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
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I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
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Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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