last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
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He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
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I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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