Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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